Fall: A Season of Change
It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. Lamentations 3:22-24
As modern day Americans, Fall brings many things to thought that are man-made: football, pretty colors, and pumpkin spice. Personally, as a resident of the SouthEast… I’m dreaming of actual fall weather. This year has been incredibly warm and my own area has seen several weeks with the highs rarely dipping below 90, and often hovering near 100 degrees with the heat index often running well over 100. So, when I say we are dreaming of “Fall” weather, I mean a maximum high in the 80’s, with highs in the 70’s far more preferred.
Fall, from a historical perspective, however, looks more toward what our ancestors would have been concerned with. A time of preparation, gathering in as much as possible and preparation for winter. Spring had brought hope and new life, Summer was a time of work and tending plants. Fall meant completing the harvest, preserving everything possible so that during the winter, there would be plenty. Fall, has long been a time of celebration for the bounty provided by God. During the harvest, work is temporarily accelerated, knowing that time is short, farmers often work into the night carefully harvesting every last bit of goodness that the earth has provided. From a spiritual point of view, that means a lot, especially in today’s world.
Fall is also often a time of recognition of our own mortality as we watch the plant life around us die or go dormant. A time that we thoughtfully remember that there will come an end to everything, that time is short and we need to be about our business. For me, the last few weeks have been full of my own recognition that when God calls us to something, we are to stay busy until we have clearly been relieved of that duty.
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24
We like to read that verse as laymen and laywomen and say to ourselves that it only applies to preachers. That they’re the ones burdened with a ‘ministry’. That we’re there to learn from and grow from what they teach us. But, I don’t believe that’s how God sees it. They have been provided to equip us for the ministry. To help us mature to the point that we can stand for our faith, share our faith and tell others about Jesus.
11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ… Ephesians 4:11-12
When I first starting writing this blog, it was easy for me to be happy and upbeat all the time. But as time went on, and life got harder, surrendering to continue sharing my spiritual life in words with whoever chooses to read them felt like something far away from where I wanted to be. You see, when I started this journey years ago. I wanted to shout from the rooftops the goodness of God, even though I had struggled in my life, in my time of renewal, I could see that most of my struggles were self-inflicted, that my bad choices, or my own failures resulted in my sufferings. And when my Lord woke me up to His true love for me, I truly felt like I would do anything for Him. I willingly laid everything in my life in His hands, praying, “Lord, take anything that keeps me from growing in You.” I wanted to know Him more and deeper, and was willing to give up anything that would help me grow closer to Him.
I never would have imagined what He would take. And yet, from this side of the valley, I see His providence. In His perfect way, removing my family from the familiar and placing us in a new church family was something I never could have conceived of. My family had history there. My dad was a deacon. My family is all buried there for generations. It’s literally a short walk from my house. And yet, when it was time, God made sure that there was not a single doubt in my mind that He had removed us from the place I had called home my entire life.
That season of change was much like what we feel in the fall. I could see death and decay around me, with no hope of revival and rebirth anywhere in my future. And for once, the struggle didn’t result from a massive failure on my part. I floundered. I cried out to my Lord and asked, “What are You doing here? I still trust You, but I can’t see the why of this!” I tried to keep on writing, intent on staying the course. I hadn’t lost faith in my God, even though I couldn’t see the path that He had set before me. We visited so many churches in the surrounding communities. I met incredible people, and they watched and prayed with me as I mourned my loss. I may have lost a church family, but during that time I gained a Christian family that spanned the countryside.
And when we found our new home, the Lord was faithful yet again, and it was clear in the way that only He can work. The most amazing lovely people I’ve ever met wrapped us in their arms. They allowed me to just experience what I needed to experience with zero judgement or recourse. And over time, as I healed, I began to see what God had provided for me through the suffering that I would never have experienced without it.
Throughout this season of healing, I stopped writing because I couldn’t not talk about what I was experiencing. And I wanted my writing to ONLY be positive, because God is good - ALL the time! I struggled with how to communicate the facts of my experience with the knowledge that His will is perfect. I wanted to be ‘okay’ with everything that had happened, and felt like any less was less than He would want from me.
If there is one thing that I have proved without a shadow of a doubt through this season, it’s that failing to follow the leading of the Lord will never lead to happiness. I’ve begged forgiveness, promised to get back at it, begged for the prayers of my friends as I struggled with what the Lord would have me say. It’s been a period of being constantly unsettled and looking for peace in many wrong places.
“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? Luke 6:46
The reminders that have come my way in the past few months are far too many to list. I can’t count how many different people have said “What has the Lord asked you to do that you’re not doing?”, or something similar. Not to me, or not even directed at any one person, but the words have cut like a knife each time.
My arguments have been “Eh, I never had that a huge readership.” “I can’t be a cheerleader for God when I’m terrified of the cost of truly following Him.” I (wrongly) felt like I needed to be both extremely effective as a writer and 100% on board with everything God was doing in my life to share my story. A simple look at the Holy Word of God proves the second statement wrong. Sometimes we as humans are going to struggle with the path our life is taking. We will question God, and I believe that he allows that. A quick read through some of the early Psalms tells that story. And, as to whether or not I need to have readership to be following God’s will… Well, that just isn’t my job to worry about. If the sole purpose of writing is to grow me spiritually, that’s enough. If in some small way I encourage another Christian, that’s a bonus, and if my writing ever plays any tiny part in helping someone seek the Lord for their own salvation, well that would make everything worth it.
So, in surrendering again, I take up my pen and determine to share the good, the bad, and the ugly of my personal walk with the Lord. There is much to share looking back over the last couple of silent years. I have begged for answers, and gotten few. I’ve learned in some small way to wait on God. He has been faithful. And, He has been patient with me as I asked the same questions, and searched the scripture for answers He’d already given me (but I didn’t like.) and He has finally persuaded me that my imperfections don’t matter, that He asks only obedience.
As much as I’d like to wrap my spiritual walk up in a lovely Christian movie timeline with a pretty ending, that’s just not real life. There have been seasons of renewal, and seasons of hard work, and finally seasons of reflection and gathering in. That seems to be where I am. I can look back over the past few years and see all the growth and fruit He has allowed to develop through the heat and stress of summer, and now I am reaping the blessings of that work, and beginning to see exactly what He’s done, both in my life and the life of my friends and family.
During this season of change in my life, I want to focus on recognizing the harvest that is available as well as seeing everything He’s worked on in me while I struggled to be obedient. How His patience and lovingkindness continued to draw and guide me even as I wondered exactly what He was doing.
Over the next few weeks, I hope to take a look at all things “Fall”. Some of the titles brewing in my heart include: “Falling in Line with God’s Will” and “Falling in Love with the Word”. Come and join me as we enjoy this season of change.
