Child of the King

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11

I’ve been a disobedient child….

As tough as that is to admit, it is true. I’ve allowed the world to take my focus off my heavenly father, and lived in a state of fear that has kept me from being obedient to the will of my Father.

I recently described my own spiritual behavior as that of a child with their hands clasped around their ears, unwilling to listen to the instructions they were being given. You see, I discovered the truth of real service to God and I wasn’t particularly fond of it. The truth is that no amount of obedience to God guarantees us a worry or trouble free life on this earth. In fact, the closer we follow after Christ, the harder that we strive to live as He asks, the more strange we become to this world. Our true citizenship becomes obvious to others, and we become polarizing: some lean in, seeing something they desire in us, while others only see something that makes no sense to their sin-blinded eyes - which inevitably leads to some type of conflict. Developing a close relationship with God not only brings peace and joy beyond understanding, it can also bring a certain level of earthly suffering: when you choose God over self, you must crucify self; when you choose standing for biblical principles over personal relationships, a certain level of loss can occur. When those losses occur, it isn’t less painful because they are righteous losses. As I realized that truth, my own obedience to God became far more spotty, especially lately. A nudge toward sharing my faith with a friend has been met with fears of losing another friend. I have, out of a fear of man’s opinion, begged forgiveness from God more often than I’d like to admit. Although, I’d like to think that it hasn’t been a willful disobedience on my part, I have, knowingly said no to the urging of the Holy Spirit. Even writing for this blog has been held up for quite some time, as I have allowed the enemy to give me far too many reasons people would be unhappy with what I share.

However, we, as Christians, sometimes forget that we are saved to serve. We are saved with a purpose. It isn’t about what He can do for us, it’s about what He’s already done. Our natural response to the incredible mercy we are given through salvation, should be a life of intentional spiritual growth and grateful service, but somewhere along the way, we often forget. We can get so focused on things of this world that we begin to expect Him to fix them like a heavenly genie in a bottle, instead of reigning as the sovereign King of the Universe.

Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” John 14:23

When I stopped to consider my own obedience to my heavenly father contrasted with what I expected from my own children as a parent, I was shocked. As a parent, I expected immediate obedience from my boys, especially when they were little. I read a book once that suggested training for strict obedience because there could come a time when that obedience saves a life. I needed to be able to tell them to “stop” or “come to me” and be confident that they would do so without question or defiance. For us, that involved play and disguising training as fun. I tried to not be overly controlling and allowed them to be boys as much as possible, but when I did ask for something, I was very careful to discipline them if they failed and encourage them when they were quickly obedient. We even had a period of their life where we trained for church behavior. We spent the time from 11:00a.m. to noon every day doing quiet things, such as coloring or playing with quiet toys. That routine continued at church for them, just in a different place. It actually gave me an opportunity to prepare lunch while they sat quietly. All this to say, my desire for them was a good and safe life. My routines and training with them helped them experience a positive childhood for the most part. They looked wildly feral most of the time as I tried to allow them to play in the dirt and make messes at every opportunity and fulfill their own youthful desires in a healthy and safe way, but when I asked, they behaved. The depth of that training is humorous now as they both would agree that the snap of fingers still makes their heads jerk up looking for me, they say it’s a conditioned response after years of me using that as a means of getting their attention.

Thankfully, our Heavenly Father seeks to train us in much the same manner, as I worked to train my sons. Through the process of sanctification, we are molded to become more and more like Christ, if we choose to obey. Of course, because our Father has given us free-will, we have the choice to obey or not. Naturally, obedience comes with positive reinforcement and conversely, disobedience can often result in unpleasant consequences. The same concept applies spiritually. A life of faithfully seeking and obeying the will of our Lord results in a close walk with Him and the benefits of that - not physical blessings in this life - but joy and peace on a spiritual level that is inexplicable to those that are focused on this world. Over the past few months, I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer, and not the kind of prayers we hear on Sunday morning. I’ve complained and begged for things to be different, for an explanation, for a return of the joy of my salvation (because living in disobedience is a sure way to lose the fullness of that joy).

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide… John 15:16a

What I’ve discovered is that those honest prayers, the ones where I name my deepest woes and hurts and ask Him for relief or answers are often the ones where my connection to my Father is being rebuilt.

With my voice I cry out to the Lord;

with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord.

I pour out my complain before him;

I tell my trouble before him.

Psalm 412:1-2

David gave us so many examples of being brutally honest with God, decrying his enemies, begging for God’s attention to His problems, but always always, returning to a place of praise and trust that his God would deal with him faithfully and bountifully. He was living experientially, he had experienced God in so many ways in his life, that he knew that regardless of how dark his problems may have seemed at any given moment, God had a plan for his life, and that waiting on the Lord would eventually show the hand of the master in his life. Even this knowledge, that he trusted to the depths of his soul didn’t keep him from feeling the pain and stress of his situation, he did, however, learn to trust God through the situation, while being completely transparent about how it was affecting him.

So what are we to do? I want to walk steadfastly toward my Messiah. Through whatever path He has for me, trusting Him to lead me only to things that are good for me… good ‘for’ me… not necessarily good to me. Just as my children didn’t always love the vegetables that I placed on their table as toddlers, I may be led through paths that give me all the nutrients I need to grow strong and healthy in my Lord. I may be asked to exercise some muscles that need strengthening and be caused some discomfort in the process. So, as we follow hard after Jesus, let us always be willing to wait upon the perfect timing of our Lord, and upon His perfect plans. Six years ago, I realized that my spiritual life was, at best, still a babe on milk. Looking back with eyes that can only see from this side of this journey, it has been a path that I never would have chosen for myself, but it has brought me to a place that I could never have imagined. How can I doubt what He has in store for me in the future? I have no idea what it will look like, I have no idea where it will lead, but if I’m walking with Him, I’ll always be headed in the right direction…

So yes, I’ve been a disobedient child. You see, I’m a well-loved child of the King, and when I forget that, for even a moment, I can be blinded by things that don’t meet my human expectations in this world. When we allow something we didn’t expect to take our eyes off the path, life can be troubling and scary. But when we stop for a minute and look up we will see the truth: Our Father is waiting to take our hand, and lead us once again:

For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. Isaiah 41:13